Here’s a sport where Montez Ford would destroy the Viking Raiders

The Street Profits and the Viking Raiders have been competing with each other in various activities such as basketball, axe-throwing, and golf, with bowling coming up next week.

Even though I was an early advocate to see some bowling between the top two tag teams on Raw, I think I’ve changed my mind. That’s because I just watched the Street Profits tackle the very serious sport of Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS).

Angelo Dawkins needs more practice, but Montez Ford immediately picks up all of the complex nuances and strategy involved in this highly cherished art form. You know Ford has the win sealed when he outsmarts his opponent by closing his eyes during the final hand. He was playing mind games with her, and it upset her established rhythm at RPS.

This reminds me of a segment I watched on Late Night with Conan O’Brien nearly 20 years ago. One of the reasons why I preferred Conan over other late night comedians at that time is because while they took the standard route of booking music bands and stand-up comics for their final guest of the night, Conan was thinking outside the box and booking the world champion of RPS. Yes, that’s a thing that actually exists, and that’s the kind of content I craved at 1:20 AM every night.

That guy has a freakin’ medal for excellence in RPS! It reminds me of the time I received a letter (but no jacket) for being president of my high school math team and powerfully wielding logarithms and prime number theory at every turn. It turns out that there actually is strategy involved with RPS, such as the “Fistful of dollars” technique. Conan rightfully questions the basic premise that a rock would lose a battle to a piece of paper. Maybe we should ask The Rock about that.

Thank you for indulging my fascination with the sports entertainment of Rock, Paper, Scissors. If you happen to have deep experience with this sophisticated and respected form of battle, please let me know in the comments below about the strategies you deploy to expertly infiltrate your opponents’ minds and aggressively crush them into pure submission.

Do you think the Street Profits and Viking Raiders should pursue this activity next? If not, how else would you like to see them go at it?

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